Film Reviews

Piranha 3DD

• Rating:
• Director: John Gulager
• Starring: Danielle Panabaker
• Details: US/82mins 18

Boasting more gratuitous tit shots than your average episode of Tonight with Vincent Browne, this hastily assembled sequel has come along at warp speed after the enjoyable original surprised us all last year. Essentially that film regurgitated (from the sloppy end), everything here is bigger - especially the boobs. On a side note, you know you're getting old when you find yourself wondering about the back problems some of these ladies will have later in life.
The last film centred on a bunch of teenagers getting horny, wet and indeed wild at a picturesque lake during Spring Break - then being eaten by fish. They've upped the ante here, folks; a bunch of horny, wet and wild teenagers hit up a WATER PARK in summer - then get eaten by fish. Whilst naked, mostly. Inexplicably, Gary Busey and David Hasselhoff turn up, all be it for a mercifully short space of time. But y'know, Water Park, boobs etc.
A self-aware turd is still a turd. The makers of Piranha 3DD might know exactly the type of film they're flogging and potential punters might know the type of film they're paying for, but that doesn't make it good or even necessarily watchable. What it is, unequivocally, is dumber. That happens when you lazily slap together a film while probably chugging down on vast amounts of energy drink.
I like silly monster movies as much as anyone; but the first flick (also a remake) was a stretch. Piranha just aren’t that scary so naturally the film will fall into camp territory, which needs to be witty to work - which it was. 3DD feels cheaper, ups the gore and the nudity and Forest Gumps' the characters - who were hardly Aaron Sorkin-like to begin with.
Not without its chucklesome moments, it's simply not worth the premium bobs you'd pay to see in 3D. The best thing about this sloppy sequel is the title.