Film Reviews

Piranha 3-D

• Rating:
• Director: Alexandre Aja
• Starring: Adam Scott
• Details: US/89mins 16

Coming from the lens of Alexandra Aja - who directed arguably the best horror remake in recent memory, The Hills Have Eyes - this blood-soaked, boob-heavy modern take on the early 80s horror series that started the careers of Joe Dante and James Cameron, is popcorn cinema personified. Sure, you get the impression that large parts of the story were hastily omitted, and it contains more gratuitous tit shots than an Orlando Bloom box-set, but this is still an entertaining way to spend an hour and a half.
The film opens with Richard Dreyfuss gamely playing up on one of his most famous characters, as some prehistoric, blood-thirsty fish are unleashed into a lake full of college students cutting loose for spring break. An earthquake has shaken loose a lake within the lake, and allowed the hungry bastards taste human meat for the first time y'see. Milfy town Sheriff Elizabeth Shue already has enough on her plate trying to keep the randy teens in order, when her son ditches babysitting his younger siblings to go on Jerry O Connell's, 'boat of porn.' Teaming up with Adam Scott's expert, they attempt to save as many lives as possible before the Piranha turn her once sleepy town into a giant snack bar.
Similar in tone to other monster-in-a-lake movie Lake Placid, there is considerably less time here spent getting to know anyone in particular. Adam Scott was intriguing casting, but he barely gets a chance to showcase anything other than some nicely grown stubble; while genre stalwart Ving Rhames is wasted (until a crowd pleasing final scene), and most of the younger cast members exist mainly to be in peril. The tabloids will, of course, latch on to the fact that Kelly Brook spends the majority of the film wearing next to nothing (then nothing), which should do the box-office no harm at all.
It works because Aja knows how to build a scene, and doesn't balk once some slicing and dicing has to take place. The piranha attacks are gory, nasty and wince-away violent, but the film itself is not without its humour. O Connell delivers a gleefully arrogant turn as the merchant of filth looking to capitalise on the naivety of youth, and audience members will be begging for his predictably horrific death to come.
Anyone looking to go see a film about piranhas eating topless teenagers need look no further; here is the cinematic opus you've been waiting for.

Review by Mike Sheridan