DVD Reviews

Stay Alive

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• Starring: Frankie Muniz
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Every once in a while, a film comes along that wobbles the very foundations of cinema with its complete and utter dreadfulness. That film this month is Stay Alive - quite possibly the worst film you've ever paid money to sit through. It centres on a bunch of game-addicted youngsters who inexplicably become the proprietor of a game that seems to kill people. It seems lately that tension and genuine scares have escaped horror directors, in favour of a gorier, less subtle approach - being that if the film doesn't work (be it plot, script, acting or whatever) the core fan base will be pleased because they're getting their dumbed-down, blood-soaked film regardless. That doesn't apply here; Stay Alive is a horror movie for young teenagers, so its fall-back plan is out the window and therefore, it falls flat on its incredibly ugly mush. It is hard for me to fully construe, through the use of linguistics, just how monumentally dire this film is. Nothing here works; the characters are all your typical cliched teenagers who die in a manor so predictable and contrived you may find yourself looking around the room for someone to share your disbelief with. It's actually that bad you may need a shower afterwards (Crying Game style), to wash away the intrusive memories of being duped into a 'horror movie', only to be subjected to an episode of Sweet Valley High with bad CGI. The cast never had a chance with this material, but they deserve everything they get for this scabby infected scar that will forever tarnish the career of all concerned. This film is an insult to the intelligence of anyone who watches it, and even 13 year old boys deserve better.

Review by Mike Sheridan