Embarrassing Undeserving Oscar Winner Awards, or 'The Jammies'

APART from the disastrous news that Sacha Baron Cohen has pulled out of presenting an award at this year's ceremony, we can medicate ourselves with the knowledge that, if some previous winners are anything to go by it will be the Academy providing the laughs.

The multiple-personality performer, was due to attend the Kodak Theatre on Sunday, and had agreed to present an award, but only if he was allowed to dress as a pregnant blue alien. 'Na'vi G' was to take to the stage accusing James Cameron of fathering the child, but the Academy failed to see the joke... (cue pregnant pause... sorry) "Creative differences," are what ended the sketch, but if you look at SBC's previous form, like the Eminem tea-bagging incident, the Academy probably feared a live Avatar onstage birth, replete with Oscar statuette...

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Not So Silent Bob...

IT'S not been a great week for director Kevin Smith. He was left red-faced, mainly due to the fury, when he was forced off a flight because he was deemed too overweight to fit in one seat.

In a scene reminiscent from one of his comedies, the man behind Clerks and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back was asked to alight his load from the Oakland, California to Burbank flight. Southwest Airlines insisted on enforcing their "Customer of Size" policy even after Mr Smith had been recognised and engaged in conversation with a number of fans, who spotted him. Smith posted a picture with puffed out cheeks on Twitter raging, "I'm way fat, but I'm not there just yet... If you look like me, you may be ejected from Southwest Air." The airline have apologised to Silent Blob, but surely this whole situation could have been solved by...

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John Terry's Celebrity Doppel-Gangbang

ONE of the enduring images of an innocent and wholesome era involved two children, sniffing like bloodhounds, on the hunt of a savoury treat. The advert concerned two raggedy urchins hypnotically following a trail from the scent of gravy, hanging in the air like a Coca-Cola swoosh.

However, in these times of cheap voyeurism and celebrity sex scandals, you are more likely to see a pair of salivating high profile figures like Tiger Woods and John Terry, on the sniff for another roast, "Aah, Bisto! Now, anyone for a game of naked twister?" It seems that Terry's wandering ways are making waves across the water, after it was revealed the US Soccer team went through a similar scandal prior to the World Cup '98 in France. Former Coach Steve Sampson confessed that Captain John Harkes was conducting a...

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